Amelia's Wonder Stew
by Toni The Mink
Summary: Amelia cooks a stew for the hungry troop... but the results are lethal


Ohiyo, minna-san! This here be mai first Slayers fic!  
  
Well, I just started getting into Slayers, so forgive me if I got some minor details wrong.  
  
This is a weird idea I got, which is SLIGHTLY based on a true story. ^^;;  
  
If this doesn't seem good to you, then no worries... I've got some other Slayers ideas that're bumping my head with an actual plot, that involve Lina&Gourry and a little stranger. ^^  
  
Anyway, enough babble... time for the fic! Here we go!  
  
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"Liiinaaa..." Gourry moaned, walking behind Lina, "How much further do we have to walk? I'm starving..."  
  
"Quit your complaining, Gourry!" Lina growled, "I'm hungry too, but hearing your constant moaning and groaning is making me feel worse!"  
  
Amelia staggered next to Zelgadis to keep up. "I have to go with Mr. Gourry on this, Miss Lina," she said, "I think we need to stop and eat." Her stomach growled ferociously and she looked down on herself, "I think I'm losing some weight."  
  
Gourry looked back at Amelia, "How can you tell?" he idiotically asked. For that, Amelia bonked him on the head with her fist.  
  
Lina finally stopped and looked back at her group. "Well, guys... I'm hungry too. You know what?"  
  
The group looked at her, expecting her to give them a lecture on why they should continue. Instead, they only saw her crouch down suddenly, covering her eyes with her fists, "We're not going ANYWHERE until we get some eats! Waaah!!!"  
  
Gourry blinked. "Wow," he said, "She's hungry."  
  
  
  
  
  
Lina threw the knapsack to the ground. "I hope we still got something good!" she chimed.  
  
As she opened it, everyone gazed in. Their faces slowly saddened.  
  
The knapsack was empty.  
  
Lina fell on her back, "Nooo!!!" she wailed, "Where's our food?!"  
  
Zelgadis sighed. "Well, you certainly are a hungry group of people. You must have "cleaned" out the knapsack some time ago."  
  
Lina shoved her face into Zelgadis'. "Why're you blaming us?! YOU'RE apart of this 'hungry group of people' too, y'know!"  
  
She sat back, and crossed her arms, "Well, I already promised we wouldn't go anywhere until we get something to eat..." She fell flat on her side, "I waaannaaa gooo!!!"  
  
Amelia stood up and glanced around. There just had to be some food around here somewhere. Otherwise, they all would never hear the end of it from Miss Lina.  
  
Then she spotted something. She walked over to a small bush and examined it. There seemed to be a small, red fruit growing on the branches. She picked one off, and sniffed it. Smells like raspberries. She then licked it. Tasted sweet. She finally plopped it in her mouth.  
  
"Ooo!" she squealed.  
  
Everyone turned to her. "Amelia, what are you doing this time?" Zelgadis sighed.  
  
Amelia tore a branch from the bush and pointed at the berries. "Don't worry, everyone!" she cheered, "Our hunger problems are over!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Gourry leaned towards the pot and sniffed. "Hey Amelia," he said, "This smells great! What is it?"  
  
Amelia looked up at Gourry as she continued to stir the giant pot before her. "I call it 'The Fabulous Wonder Stew of Justice!"  
  
Lina groaned. "Whether she fights or cooks a meal, she just has to involve justice, doesn't she?"  
  
Amelia handed bowls out to her friends. "Soups on!" she chimed.  
  
With a giant ladle, she scooped some stew from the pot and poured it in each of their bowls. Lina looked at it unconcerned. It looked more like purple globs than a 'wonder stew'. "Are you sure this is safe to eat, Amelia?"  
  
Amelia pointed the ladle at Lina, "Why don't you just eat it, Miss Lina?" she said, "You don't even know if it_is_good until you try it! If you won't eat it because you're afraid of it without even giving it a fair chance, then you're giving Justice a bad name!"  
  
"Okay, okay! I'll eat it!" Lina cried, "Just don't start that justice junk!"  
  
She picked up her spoon, ladled some spoon from her bowl, looked at it nervously, then slowly put it in her mouth.  
  
Everyone else looked at her. Amelia watched hopefully.  
  
Lina swallowed, sat there with closed eyes for a moment, then smiled. "Hey, this is pretty good!"  
  
Zelgadis and Gourry looked at each other, looked at their bowls, then tried some of the stew. They smiled approvingly. "Hey, this IS good!" Gourry chimed.  
  
Zelgadis turned to Amelia. "Impressive," he said.  
  
Amelia cried gleefully, then held up the ladle, filled with more stew. "More where that came from!"  
  
Gourry held up his bowl, "I'll take seconds!"  
  
"Not until you finish your first bowl, Mr. Gourry."  
  
Gourry held the bowl to his lips, and swallowed every bit of stew left. He held out his bowl once more. "Seconds!!!"  
  
Lina laughed, and continued scarfing down her stew.  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
The four laid around the giant pot, which was now empty. They had had a wonderful feast on the delicious stew and were worn out.  
  
Lina woke, and slowly sat up. "What a night," she moaned, rubbing her belly, "I'm stuffed." She stood up and yawned.  
  
Suddenly, her stomach turned. She clutched it. "Ow!" she cried, "What--?! Ooo..." She was feeling slightly queasy.  
  
She suddenly gasped. "Oh no!" she cried, and looked around, "Bush, bush bush!!!" She dove to the nearest bush.  
  
Gourry's nose twitched. His eyes snapped open, and he sat up covering his nose. "Augh!!" he cried, "What's that smell?!"  
  
Amelia began choking. "Wh--what's going on?" she sat up, holding her nose as well. "What smells like... like deceased fish mixxed with garbage and a dead body?!"  
  
From the side, Lina slowly crawled out of the bush, groaning in pain. Gourry stood up. "Lina, are you oka-ooo..." He rubbed his stomach, "The pain..." He slowly sank to his knees.  
  
"Amelia..." Lina moaned, "What was... in that stew?"  
  
Amelia jumped to her feet, "Hey! My wonder stew was high in nutrients! It was not poisonous in any-- Ooohhh..." She fell straight on her face, "My tummy hurts..."  
  
Gourry's face twitched in pain, "Oh man... OH MAN!!!"  
  
A terrible odor swept in the air. Lina clamped her nose. "Aw!!! Gourry!!! What did you eat?!  
  
Gourry got to his hands and dragged himself to the next nearest bush. "Gotta go..." he muttered, "Gotta go baaad..."  
  
Meanwhile, Zelgadis slowly rose up, moaning terribly. He placed his hands on his belly. "Aww... Too much wonder stew..."  
  
"Why is everyone saying such bad things about my stew?" Amelia moaned, face flat on the ground.  
  
"Because it practically killed us, Amelia!" Lina whined, sprawled out on the ground. She tried to sit up, but a severe pain shot throughout her belly from her abdomen. She clutched it once more, "Ohh, the pain!"  
  
Zelgadis' eyes sudden grew wide and watered, "Ohh, the SMELL!" he cried, grabbing his nose.  
  
Amelia blushed, "Excuse me..."  
  
  
  
  
  
Hours went by.  
  
The four were still in the exact spot. They were all sprawled out on the ground, stomachs inflamed from all the 'spring cleaning'. The stew had given them terrible indigestion, and the smell would grow worse. Whenever they tried to move away from the horrid odor, they would only be hammered down by the pain in their stomachs.  
  
"From this day forward..." Lina muttered, face flat on the ground, "I am giving up on all fruits in the world. Yep! Good 'ol fashioned Dragon Meat...! Ohh..." The thought of Dragon Meat queased her, and more smell aroused.  
  
Gourry gagged. "No more food... please no more food... pain go away..."  
  
Amelia sobbed, "I made a mess of myself..."  
  
"We all have, Amelia..." said Zelgadis.  
  
The entire group sighed heavily. "There better be some good dry-cleaning service in the next town," Lina moaned.  
  
  
  
Days gone by.  
  
No signs of improvement.  
  
"My beeellyyy..." Lina moaned, grabbing it tightly, "Stop constipating!"  
  
"If I had known the Wonder Stew of Justice was THAT powerful," Amelia moaned, "I could've used it as my ally..."  
  
"If_I_had known the Wonder Stew of Justice was THAT powerful," said Zelgadis, "I would've become a bandit..."  
  
"Well... what do we have here?"  
  
Everyone weakly turned their heads towards a trio of kanieving-looking bandits, huddled around the Slayers.  
  
"Is THIS the infamous Lina Inverse?" said the fat one.  
  
"Bandit Killer my ass," said the big-nosed one.  
  
"Look at her!" said the skinny, bald one, "Sprawled out like a dying dog!"  
  
"I know! Let's loot the looter-murderer!" They all circled the gang's belongings, set near the empty pot.  
  
Lina managed to raise her head slightly "H... hey!" she called, "Get away... from there! That's ours!"  
  
The big-nosed bandit looked over with a smug expression, "What're ya goin' 'ta do about it?? 'Punish' us, oh tough one?"  
  
Lina growled at this. "You asked for it..." She held up her hands, "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond... URGH!" she squinted, feeling pain rumble in her stomach, "Beyond blood that flows! Buried in the stream... the stream of time, is where you power.... GROWS!" At this point, she could only bare a whisper, "I pledge myself to conquer thee, all the foes who stand.... By... AGH!" Her eyes her shut tight, "By the mighty gift bestowed upon me... inmyunworthyhand!!! Let the fool who stand before me be... the fool who stand before me... me, be destroyed... By the power you and I possess! Drag.... DRAG... DRAAAG.... AAWW!!!!"  
  
The spell was never cast, but replaced by a ripping sound.  
  
The bandits laughed hysterically at this. "Oh, what a powerful sorcoress! We tremble in fear before the 'Dragon Spooker'!" They continued laughing.  
  
But it was cut short as the three smelled a gagging order in the air. They began choking. "Aww... what a horrendous smell!"  
  
"Miss Inverse... what have you been eating??"  
  
"None of your business..." Lina turned.  
  
"Can't... breath!" The bandits grabbed their necks, "The smell! She's destroying the o-zone layer!"  
  
"Screw this!" The skinny, bald bandit rose to his feet, "I'm going for a rich peasent! At least they shower!"  
  
The other two got up to join him and they began to race away.  
  
"Heeey fellas'..."  
  
The three bandits stopped to look back.  
  
"DRAGON SLAVE!!!"  
  
  
  
Weeks have gone by.  
  
Gourry finally had the strength to sit upwards. "Man..." he moaned, "That could be used for a great attack against our enemies!"  
  
Lina sat up. "I doubt it, Gourry," she said.  
  
Zelgadis followed suit. He looked over at everyone, "Well, it seems we're finally getting better."  
  
Amelia jumped to her feet in excite. "Hooray!" she chimed, "I feel like a million gold pieces!"  
  
Lina got to her feet, "Yea, me too!" She looked down at her skirt, and her face turned crimson. "Uh... except everyone's gonna think I'm not housebroken..."  
  
Gourry was the last to stand. He stared at the ground in depression.  
  
Lina took notice, "Something the matter, Gourry?"  
  
Gourry sighed, "It's just that..." He glared up at Lina, tears streaming down his face, "All that diarrhea washed the Wonder Stew out of me, and now I'm starving again!!!"  
  
Lina fell back to the ground, "Not agaain...!!!" she whined. 


End file.
